BAD DAY

I have looked for 4 days now-
I can not find my camera anywhere.

I have looked everywhere. Even the frig and trash cans.

I have been 1000 places the last week.

The last time I remember seeing it was after the lake last Sunday, we came home and I downloaded pictures onto the camera. I have no idea what I did with it after that.

I hope that I find it. I have lost sleep over it.

another song- about a Monkey Named Bird

I don't usually like to read song lyrics- since it is really nothing but poetry and I am not a big poetry fan. Not to say I have never read poetry that I liked- I just seldom like it.

But this is one of my favorites, sung to the tune of Hush Little Baby.

Hush little baby, don't say a word
Mama's gonna buy you a monkey named bird.
If that monkey named bird don't sing,
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring.
If that diamond ring don't shine
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond mine
If that diamond mine don't pay
Mama's gonna buy you a Chevrolet.
If that Chevrolet don't run
Mama's gonna buy you a BB gun.
If that BB gun don't shoot
Mama's gonna buy you a bathing suit.
If that bathing suit don't fit,
Mama's gonna throw you out with it!


This was Dad's attempt to teach GBK Hush Little Baby, Don't Say a Word but between the two of them the words are a little different than the original.

The first time we heard 'monkey named bird' it stunned us for a few seconds before we all let out a great laugh. Now I can't imagine the song being that great without that line in it.

Sneaky Snake

Boys and girls take warning, if you go near the lake
Keep your eyes wide open, and look out for sneaky snake
Now maybe you won't see him, maybe you won't hear
But he'll sneak up behind you, and drink all your root beer

And then sneaky snake goes dancin, wigglin and a-hissin
Sneaky snake goes dancin, gigglin and a-kissin
I don't like old sneaky snake; he laughs too much you see
When he goes wigglin through the grass, it tickles his underneath

Well, sneaky snake drinks root beer, and he just makes me sick
When he is not dancin, he looks just like a stick
Now, he doesn't have any arms or legs, you cannot see his ears
And while we are not lookin, he's stealin all of our beer

And then sneaky snake goes dancin, wigglin and a-hissin
Sneaky snake goes dancin, gigglin and a-kissin
I don't like old sneaky snake; he laughs too much you see
When he goes wigglin through the grass, it tickles his underneath
words by Tom T. Hall

Over the Easter holiday, Dad taught GBK the lyrics to this song titled Sneaky Snake.

After a few days of practice she could sing the whole thing by herself. Of course she changed a few of the words up a bit to fit her personal opinion of things.
For instance, she says that she *does* like Sneaky Snake because she really likes to laugh. And y'all know my addiction to Root Beer, particularly Barq's Root Beer- so she sings that he is stealing Mama's root beer!

Well, yesterday afternoon as I was headed to the back yard to mow a tiny little patch of grass I noticed movement in the grass. It was sneaky snake headed to the house looking for my root beer! I screamed for RD to hurry! run! quick! He yelled back that he couldn't, he was on the phone. I screamed back- I don't care! There is a snake in the back yard! He quickly hung up and raced over... grabbed the hoe that was 82 cm from the snake and asked (are y'all ready for this?) "Should I kill it?"

I almost lost it y'all. OF COURSE you kill it! I mean, what are the other options here? I see it again and have a heart attack. I die in my sleep while having a nightmare about that thing getting in my house? I have a stroke watching it slither towards GBK's playground? No- you kill the dang thing!

He said- but it's a good snake! (I could tell he really wanted to kill it though, he is not a snake lover.)

Kill it, I said. There is no such thing as a good snake! Even a dead snake is not a good snake because the sight of it makes me nearly pee my pants!


So he chopped his head (I wanted him to chop it in half as well) and we watched it continue slithering about the yard. I spent a few minutes looking for good batteries for my camera and then finally took pictures just before he was thrown in the pond for the turtles to gnaw on.

How the heck do you explain to a 3 yr old that you killed sneaky snake?

Question of the Day

OK- This is a math quiz. It's a little tricky so pay close attention.

If you go to Wal-Mart on a Monday to print photos and use the 2Day Service Manual Machine, On what day should your pictures be available for pick up?

A.Wednesday
B. Thursday
C. Friday


Read it again. Because I am telling you- it is a trick question.

OK- have your answer? Are you ready?

Drum roll please...

The Answer is not Wednesday, not Thursday but yes C. Friday.

Sorry. No explanations available on how this trick was done.
I have a hard time explaining a lot of the weird things Wal-Mart does.

health dept episode 2

OK. So it has been a week and we have seen no bugs and we have done a total of 2 treatments. But I decided to keep us from church, gymnastics, and everything else until it has been at least a week with no signs and the official ok from the health dept.

I would have gone in yesterday... except they had off for confederate memorial day.
Could someone please explain this holiday to me? It is not a national holiday. The mail ran and the bank was open. But the health department closed. Who else was closed for this random memorial day? Who exactly is being memorialized? Not to sound unappreciative of anyone, but isn't that why we have Memorial Day in May? Someone please clue me in.

So anyway- today, we loaded up and went in to have our heads checked. GBK and I, that is. The husband shaved his head completely. So I guess he feels safe. I will have to scan a "before" photo of him and post it so you can see how much hair he lost.

When we got there, I quietly said to the receptionist "We want to get our hair checked". Of course I have to repeat myself 3 times for her to hear me! If I ran the health dept, I would have a little sign on the counter and just ask the patients to point to the specific problem on the sheet explaining the type of visit they are there for. I mean really, I didn't need to know that those teenage girls were there for condoms or a pregnancy test... didn't need to know that the weird couple was there for blood tests before they got married. I didn't need to know because I was having more fun making up my own reasons in my head.

Ok- so that last paragraph was a huge exaggeration ... but what if it were that way!? I am always paranoid that the other people in there will criticize me for the reason of my visit. How
idiotic (Debi, I put that in there for Little Man in case he was reading this)! I am so weird at times.

So back to my visit- a rather large woman walked in- probably 582 lbs. That is just a rough estimate. GBK says- look Mama, she has a big belly. She has a biiiiiiiig baby in hers belly. I was mortified. She was not pregnant. At least I don't think she was. I hope she wasn't. But she did have two little boys with her- twins I think. They were probably 3 or so...

get this y'all-

Jamel and Jamal. I just don't know about that. How confusing would that be? Say their names 5 times real fast.

Hmm- hmm. Now say it 10 times real fast without laughing.
OK. That is how I felt sitting there for 62 minutes with her repeating their names 82 times a minute over and over real fast. And I had to sit there without laughing.

Which I was a little distracted by the GBK so it helped me not to laugh. Her latest thing? She asks permission to touch my boobs. Like she is asking permission to play outside or eat a piece of candy. "Please push your boobs mama?" Only she doesn't wait for me to say no- she just does it.

I am not sure who is more obsessed with boobs RD, GBK or the girls at a local BUNCO group!!! Hahahahahahaha

You know who you are.

*******
I am in a weird mood today. Sam and I think it is directly linked to the moon.

I am a combination of nauseuas, depressed, bored, overstimulated, self-conscious and delirious. And no, it is not PMS.

Beauty consultant

Do you remember seeing her photo last summer when she tried this trick without permission? Check my archives- August 2006. I am too lazy/tired to put the link here.

She is such a girly girl at times. And such a tomboy at others. She killed a beetle in the kitchen last night and then sat and stared at it before deciding to get some paper to pick it up and throw it away. And that was the end of that! No screaming, running or jumping.

"The Green Bean Kid' aka GBK

/
And this is how she got her name.

Obsessive/Compulsive cleaners beware!

Want to know the worst possible thing to give to an obsessive/compulsive cleaning fool?

A black light.

We borrowed one to search our hair for unwelcome guests...

*BEWARE*
Do not try that in the bathroom. The black light picks up every single bit of dut, lint, bacteria, etc. If your husband missed the toilet and sprayed the wall, it picks that up too.

Let me just say that I scrubbed my bathroom for 2 hours that first night. I checked it last night and I just saw some dust/lint on the walls. But I scrubbed my walls down too- so I am thinking that is just lint from the cloth I used to wash them with.

Before you get caught at a party with blacklight, make sure you have clean hair, ears, teeth and nose. That could make an horrifying yet interesting date. One you would never forget.

Creepy crawlies- UGHHH!

We are battling the head lice.
Apparently it is going around our church and community.

We missed church because of it last Sunday. We treated it and thought we were in the clear. But the more I heard, the more advice I got from nurses and the more that I read online, I began to realize that we were not done with it just yet.

After just 2 days, I found a live one. From what I understand, the lice are resistant to the over-the-counter products.

So after 3 days of no sleep, 82 loads of laundry and vacuuming until I want the vaccum to suck me up and take me away, I called the doctor. I am desperate.

The Dr called in a prescription today for us to get rid of the lice. I got a $120 2oz bottle of lotion that supposedly will knock it out.

I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I do not know what I would do if I was a working mom because the cleaning in itself is a full-time job!


So- my advice. Don't let anyone tell you that you are safe to go out and about with the lice once you did the first treatment! If we had, we could have given it to friends, family, complete strangers!

Check your kids/husbands/self every single day. I missed 2 days of checking and then that is when we found them. It is going around the church/daycare and you know that they are not washing/vacuuming/cleaning every single day.

Not to scare you, but I promise you that this is not something to mess around with. It is like having fleas or termites, only it is on your head and you can not kill it with one spray of pesticide. It takes an average of one hour a day for me to go through all of GBK's hair just to make sure that I didn't miss an egg. (Because the over-the-counter shampoo does not kill the egg- so if you miss one egg, you are welcoming a whole new colony.) I found 6+ eggs last night that I had missed before. So we are staying home.

This is worse than the flu, an ear infection, and a paper cut all put together.

Madi and I are in a wedding Saturday- the festivities begin Friday afternoon!

Pray for me. I am delirious.

Thank you Disney!

Our big Christmas surprise for Princess GBK was a trip to Disney. Yes, we each got a 6 Day Pass and did it up right. We had the best time. We left Christmas Day and came home New Year's Day.

We went to the 4 major parks and saw and did as much as possible- it was crowded since it was a holiday week.

She filled her autograph book. In fact, I just realized that she never got Cinderella to actually sign her book! We were caught up in the moment, I guess. So now I am working on getting pictures together to put in the book.


Here is one such photo. We were surprised at Animal Kingdom when we looked over in the bushes and there was Flik!

More to come...