Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Poor GBK.

I have not been feeling well this past week. I have been preparing her for the worst, telling her, the baby is sick, very very sick.

Finally, today I got to see a Dr and get an ultrasound.

We are guessing that I would have been 9 weeks pregnant as of last Friday.
But that ultrasound showed a very cleaned-out uterus.

Yes, I bled all Christmas Eve, Christmas Day. I knew what was happening, just didn't want to say it out loud or even think it. The doctor confirmed that it was a miscarriage. There were still 2 blessings in disguise here, #1, we were able to get pregnant with no medicines and #2, when I miscarried, my body released everything all on its own, I didn't have to have any doctor assistance. I was able to let it run its course in the privacy and comfort of my own home.

We are deeply disappointed even though this was not a planned pregnancy. But it got us so excited about the possibility of #2 that we hope to get to try again this spring.

The hardest part was telling GBK. I reminded her how the baby was so sick and told her that the baby died. She bawled and bawled, sobbing, weeping in my arms. Poor baby. I didn't even cry that much. But this was 'her' baby and I had been making a point of making sure that she knew it was 'our' baby, not 'my' baby. I didn't want her to resent the new addition, I wanted her to feel a sense of ownership in the planning and preparing. I do not regret anything that I did or said, I would do it the same way all over again.

She wants a sibling (actually a baby brother *and* sister) so bad, she has been begging for as long as she has been talking.

I just hope that one day she gets what she wants.

If you saw me at church Christmas Eve service, I was a nervous wreck. I was bleeding heavily that whole day and was nervous that I would have to rush to the ER in the middle of church service. If you witnessed us lighting the advent wreath at the 6pm service, if I looked a little pale, shaky, nervous, you were right. I thought that I was gonna pass out up there. It didn't help that it felt like the microphone was connected to the wreath and my hair was gonna catch on fire because I was standing so close to the durn candles.

Definitely a Christmas to remember... but definitely not in a good way. It was by far the worst Christmas ever.

The Notebook

Have you seen the movie The Notebook? Read the book?

I read the book a couple of years ago, after a friend's Mom Dad. She had Alzheimer's.
I bawled my eyes out.

Sunday night we turned the TV on and the movie was on- probably at least half-way through it. I didn't know what movie it was... but I was immediately mesmorized. (Remember, I am pregnant, don't make fun of me!)

I cried three times. And I don't mean a tear- I mean, bawled my eyes out! ANd then I figured out what movie it was and remembered how the book made me cry.

Poor GBK. She was in bed with me watching me cry, worried to death about me. I explained it all to her and she started crying right along with me! I probably shouldn't have told her, but I was an emotional wreck. I didn't want her to think that I was hurt or that there was something seriously wrong.

UGH. I forgot about this part of being pregnant.

end of the school year...

Well, after lots of discussion, we decided to pull GBK from her pre-school. So today was her last normal day. She has her Christmas program on Wed, but it will be short program followed by a party.

GBK will go to the school where I sub. And take a Spanish class two afternoons a week. She is so excited. She will also be with lots of her friends and close to her Auntie Sam.

But today as I told her lunch teacher good-bye, I lost it. I broke down into tears. Sobbing uncontrollably. GBK really likes her, talks about her all of the time.

We put her at that school so that she would get first priority at the private school in town. Now that we have decided not to go the private school route, there is no reason for her to be enrolled there. It will be a lot easier to have her close to me and Sam. And we will save a bit of money.

I just bawled and bawled and bawled, sad to tell her teachers good-bye. Of course, the pregnancy hormones didn't help matters- they were probably the root of the river of tears.

GBK got a little sick last night- having trouble breathing while she was sleeping. It was worse this morning, so I decided to take her straight to the Dr.

I looked online, got the number to Immediate Care (she has been there once before) and at 8am called. The doctor's exhange (answering service) answered the phone.

ME: Hi there, what time does the clinic open today?
DE: 8am.
ME: Oh good, OK. SO you are there right now?
DE: Well, they are running a little late, this is the doctor's exchange.
ME: Oh, OK. Well we will head that way and hopefully they will be there by then.

I begged RD to go with me. We all got ready and within a few minutes were out the door. We drove straight there. While at the red light I looked over and saw no cars so I called the clinic, getting the same sweet girl.

ME: Hi there, I am at the clinic and there are no cars in the driveway... I am wondering if they are coming in?
DE: They do not open until 1 this afternoon.
ME: I called you at 8am this morning, you said that they opened at 8am. Why did you tell me that? I drove all the way into town to take my daughter to the doctor, now I have to turn around and drive 20 minutes back home?
DE: I am so sorry!! I was looking at yesterday's hours when I told you that. They don't open until 1. I am so so so sorry.
ME: (Long pause) OK. Well, I guess we will have to come back. Is there a doctor oncall that I can talk to? Maybe to get some advice on what to do?
DE: Uhmmm... yes, I think Dr Hale is on call, I will ask him to call you right back.


I drove on to a different clinic to see if they opened any earlier. Then I ran inside Walgreens thinking they would know how opened the earliest. While there, Dr Hale called me back.

I explained what happened.

DR: Uhm. OK. Who is this?
ME: Rookie Mama
DR: And who is her regular doctor?
ME: DR. Fantastic
DR: OK, I don't take calls for Dr Fantastic. I do not see his patients. You will have to call his office to see him.
ME: I called Immediate Care and the girl there told me that you were oncall today and would be over there at 1pm?
DR: No, I do not even work at Immediate Care. I am oncall at the ER today. You could come here and see me, but you will be in the waiting room for several hours waiting around a bunch of sick people. I don't recommend it. I recommend that you call Dr Fantastic to make an appt to see the oncall Dr there this afternoon.
ME: I am sooooooooooooooo sorry. I never asked that girl to page you, she just said that you were oncall today!!! I am soooooooooo sorry. UGH.

Yes, she screwed up big time. But she was so sincerely sorry that I didn't have the heart to call and complain. She was very sweet. I am just hoping it was her first day and she was learning today.

Point of the story? Had she gotten ugly with me and tried to place the blame on me, I would have been very upset and called in for her supervisor. But she was so sweet and so apologetic that I forgave her immediately and let it go. What happened to good customer service? It has been so long since I have had someone mess up like that without trying to place the blame on me. Honesty and sweetness will get you far with me!

Anyway, GBK saw Dr Fantastic's partner and he diagnosed it as stridor

He gave her something to take tonight and possibly tomorrow and said that would be the end of it. And in the future if she sounds that way, take her out into the cool damp air for a while and it would clear up.

I told him it was funny, by the time we made it into town this morning to go to the clinic, she said to me, Mama, I am better! SEE?

And I had to agree. She sounded 100% better.

She cried the whole way home this morning, sad that she would miss Sunday school. So we raced home, got ready and went to SS and church.

leftovers from Mexican Kitchen

Oh Christmas card, oh Christmas card, choosing a photo is so hard

OK- GBKand I made our Christmas cards weeks ago. They are ready- just need a cute picture to go in the envelope.

Past years I have taken a picture of her in front of the tree or on her little reindeer.

I am looking for a different, cute, memorable idea for this year's card.

I don't want to get too crazy with the whole BIG SISTER THEME just in case I have a miscarriage...

I thought about letting her hold her baby doll.
Hmmm... I don't know. I am not feeling very creative right now.

Any ideas?

The Biggest Loser

I don't get a chance to brag on myself too often- so here goes:

We had a weight loss group at church- it lasted 12 weeks and we all pitched in $20 to start. I lost 12 lbs and the most percentage, so I won the pot last night! I got $140 and there is one girl that still owes, so that might jump to $160!

Wanna know what I am spending the money on? I had planned to buy new bras, pants, whatever since the old clothes were not going to fit (I went down 2 pant sizes!)

But instead- I am buying a crib. Especially since my new smaller waist is about to expand!

In Sept, I bought a bed from a girl in Olive Branch- one of those beautiful boutique convertible baby beds (crib to toddler bed to full bed). I loved it, fell in love with it. Well, she didn't sell it during the sale (even though at least 50 women drooled over it and trying to figure out how to take it home)... so at the end of the sale, I asked her how low she would go on it, I would have to fit it in my van and bring it home... and the current price was not low enough for it to be worth my hassle.

We talked and talked and finally she said that she would take $100 and I could pay anytime before Christmas. She took it home, her husband took it apart for me and loaded it in my van! They were so incredibly nice. Their daughter is adopted and she slept in the bed maybe 8 times the Mom said. They just had a hard time being separated from her.

So- my winning money is going to pay for a crib I got-- before I ever knew that I was pregnant! I had planned to make it a full bed but now I will add the rails and have a beautiful baby bed to put our sleeping child... I hope he sleeps more than GBK did. That child still stays up to party- every night!

one down, one on the way, three to go

My great-aunt still asks me if I want a big family. Remember her? She is my great-aunt by marriage.

Well, now I need to give her a call and tell her-
one down, one on the way, and three to go.

We had a very difficult time getting pregnant with GBK. I went through blood tests, fertility meds, and monthly visits to the doctor.

So RD and I really thought that if we wanted more, we would have to do that all over again. And the dollar signs flashed before our eyes- it would cost more to conceive the child than to put him through college!! So we had the attitude of- "whatever happens, happens". So no prevention, no ovulation charts, no fertility meds, no nothin'.

Last week I was feeling so puny- tired, hungry, getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, waking at odd times (once at 2am and another at 4:30 without being able to go back to sleep!)... just weird stuff.

After getting heartburn Sunday afternoon, I told Keith and Tina, wow, I have heartburn! The only other time I have gotten that was when I was pregnant!

Finally Sun afternoon Miracle Mama convinced me to go to the store and get a test. Ease my mind.

We had plans to go to the downtown Christmas light night and ride the horse-drawn buggy to view the lights with our kids.

I knew I had time to stop at the store before that. Since we had just been given a Wal-Mart gift card for Christmas (thanks Bat Man), I decided to try it. GBK was fast asleep, so I put her in the stroller. We went in Wal-Mart, got a few things- TUMS, toilet paper, a new game for GBK and a PREGNANCY TEST. I had to pee so bad- but knew that I need that pee for my pregnancy stick! I hurried through the store, passing a friend that is pregnant with her 4th child, oh how hard it was to just say hi and keep on walking!

I checked out at the self-checker station, no problem, other than I paid and walked right out! About 5 people yelled at me "Don't forget what you just bought!" UGH. I grabbed my bags and headed to the bathroom.

I decided to pee on the stick and just take it with me to where I was meeting my friends for the Christmas light show. I could check it when I got there.

Oh but no. The positive sign showed up while I was still zipping my pants!! That is not where I wanted to find out that I was pregnant! Not in a nasty Wal-Mart stall, with GBK asleep in the stroller, RD at home, no friends, no one. Just me in there all by myself. I let out a tiny little hoarse scream and ran out of there as fast as I could, straight to the van. The security folks at the door looked at me funny, but I kept going.

I called Miracle Mama and told her to hurry up and meet me at the church- to hurry! I needed her to double check my stick and make sure that I was reading it correctly!

Another friend, CAL CHIC, met me there first, confirmed and we had a little celebration of hugging and laughing and giggling in the parking lot while the big kids stayed buckled in the cars wondering what the heck was going on!

After our carriage ride and lights adventure, I told GBK that I was going to have a baby and she was going to be a big sister. Her face lit up, her mouth wide open as if I had just given her the world's largest bucket of fruit snacks. She grabbed my hair, pulled me close, hugged me and said thank you, thank you, thank you over and over again.

RD called and said he was at Keith and Tina's house and needed a ride home. I agreed to stop by. GBK ran in their house, climbed on his lap and told him- Mama has a baby and I am gonna be a big sister!!!

If you haven't heard...

Give me a call if you haven't heard the lastest news.

Trinity

GBK: Mama, What makes grass grow?

ME: Well, baby, several things help the grass grow. What do you think those things could be?

GBK: Water?

ME: Yes

GBK: Sun?

ME: Yes

GBK: And the Holy Spirit!

ME: Yes, baby, that is absolutely right!

Water, Son, Holy Spirit, three in one.