Poor GBK.
I have not been feeling well this past week. I have been preparing her for the worst, telling her, the baby is sick, very very sick.
Finally, today I got to see a Dr and get an ultrasound.
We are guessing that I would have been 9 weeks pregnant as of last Friday.
But that ultrasound showed a very cleaned-out uterus.
Yes, I bled all Christmas Eve, Christmas Day. I knew what was happening, just didn't want to say it out loud or even think it. The doctor confirmed that it was a miscarriage. There were still 2 blessings in disguise here, #1, we were able to get pregnant with no medicines and #2, when I miscarried, my body released everything all on its own, I didn't have to have any doctor assistance. I was able to let it run its course in the privacy and comfort of my own home.
We are deeply disappointed even though this was not a planned pregnancy. But it got us so excited about the possibility of #2 that we hope to get to try again this spring.
The hardest part was telling GBK. I reminded her how the baby was so sick and told her that the baby died. She bawled and bawled, sobbing, weeping in my arms. Poor baby. I didn't even cry that much. But this was 'her' baby and I had been making a point of making sure that she knew it was 'our' baby, not 'my' baby. I didn't want her to resent the new addition, I wanted her to feel a sense of ownership in the planning and preparing. I do not regret anything that I did or said, I would do it the same way all over again.
She wants a sibling (actually a baby brother *and* sister) so bad, she has been begging for as long as she has been talking.
I just hope that one day she gets what she wants.
If you saw me at church Christmas Eve service, I was a nervous wreck. I was bleeding heavily that whole day and was nervous that I would have to rush to the ER in the middle of church service. If you witnessed us lighting the advent wreath at the 6pm service, if I looked a little pale, shaky, nervous, you were right. I thought that I was gonna pass out up there. It didn't help that it felt like the microphone was connected to the wreath and my hair was gonna catch on fire because I was standing so close to the durn candles.
Definitely a Christmas to remember... but definitely not in a good way. It was by far the worst Christmas ever.
8 comments:
I am so sorry. I think you've been terribly strong and brave through the whole thing, all its headaches and issues. What a blessing that you can see the good in a sad situation - giving thanks for small mercies.
But the thought of my sweet GBK crying! Oh! If you think a little visit to Auntie Sam's for some Wonder Pet showings would cheer her up, just give us a call. We will be home all day.
Oh Sara, I'm so sorry. You all are in my prayers. Hang in there.
We are so very sorry. I agree with Sam that you've been both strong and brave during such heartache. We're here for you and sending love and prayers your way.
Oh, I am so very sorry to hear your news. You really have a very good view of the situation. I'm also sorry GBK is so sad. That just breaks my heart. I hope that your body continues to mend it's self. Have a joyful new year.
God Bless You.
Dear Rookie Mom...I was checking my friends blog and decided to look your's up....I am so sorry that you had to endure this miscarriage. It is never easy to loose a child..we lost our first at 7 months term(she was considered a stillborn) but then I heard of a mother who lost her daughter just 11 hrs and 59 mins old! I still pray over her and that was 30 yrs ago.
God has a reason for this to happen to your family but understand that you may not know the reason for a long time to come...hang onto Jesus! He will see you thru.
If you need to talk...link to my blog!
Joy,DeeDee
John 15:11
Sweet Baby, I have been uplifting you and your sweet family in my prayers.
Blessings!
Sara, I had no idea. I am praying for you guys...
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