My encounter Thursday at Sam's Club.



We were standing in line to pay and without my knowledge, an elderly lady (65-75 yr old) standing behind me started chatting with GBK. GBK understands that she is not to talk to strangers- it is a discussion that *she* started probably last summer sometime and brings it up frequently.

Old woman said "Hello little girl. I would love to take you home with me. You are so pretty. Would you like to go home with me? I have lots of toys. I like to play dolls!"

I clued in to what she was saying by the second sentence. Of course, GBK is staring at her, wide eyes, not making a sound. She knew not to talk to her. The lady was getting upset with her because she was not responding.

I explained to the lady, "She knows not to talk to strangers, she is not being rude, only doing what she has been taught to do."

The old lady was taken aback "Why I am no stranger! I am a little old lady! I have granddaughters! I am certainly not a stranger!"

I smiled and turned around. I knew there was no sense in arguing with the lady. Besides, it was my turn to pay and I was ready to get the heck out of there.

On the way out to the car I praised GBK for a job well done. I said- that lady *was* a stranger. Did you know her? No. You did not. She is a stranger. We do not talk to strangers unless Mom or Dad give you permission. You did the right thing. That lady was wrong, she thinks she is not a stranger to you, but since you do not know her, she is indeed a stranger!


I am sure that the little old lady is harmless... but I started thinking about how scared GBK must have been when the lady was talking about taking her home!

Big Numbers

They drew blood again Thursday morning and called me Friday with the results-
drum roll please...

A big whooping 3!

So I am basically in the clear! He wants me to take a home pregnancy test in 2 weeks and call him with the results. Hopefully it says negative and we can move forward.

The weird thing, if it was tubal, I never had the pain that they said I would have...
They said that my abdomen area would be very tender for a while. Nope. I had none of that.

I asked Dr Desantis if it was possible to be pregnant, have a miscarriage and *also* to have a tubal pregnancy. He told me yes, it was possible but very unlikely. We have something like a 1 in 33,000 chance of that happening.

I said, well honey, if there is a chance that some rare freaky thing is going to happen, it is going to happen to me!

*******
I am upset with all of you. You are simply not gossiping enough. I had to tell three- 3!!! people yesterday that I was no longer pregnant! I thought that I went out of town long enough after the whole episode to give you people to talk and tell everyone you know and save me the hassle of having to explain it to everyone again and again.

I don't care who knows. It is not a secret. The hardest part is when they ask me in front of GBK.

And then I have to feel embarrassed that I don't look upset enough. I am *really* ok. It was not a planned pregnancy. It was not my first pregnancy. I was not that far long, it had not even sunk in that I was pregnant. If the miscarriage had not been drawn out so long it would all be a blur to me by now. I am very busy, have a lot going on and luckily my mind is not consumed by it all.

I have other things to obsess over now- firstly GBK's 4th bday extravaganza. We are going to try really hard to tone it down a little this year. hahahahaha What on earth are we thinking? Deep down inside, we both know better.

Music to my Ears

I am feeling much better about things here...
I went to the hospital this morning for more blood work- my iron level, platelets, etc all look really good.

My hCG has gone from 154 to 70 and now down to 54 as of today. The doctors asked me to go back Wed afternoon to do it again and hope that by then the number drops to negative. He really thinks that it was not tubal and I should not need the methotrexate injection.

HIP HIP HOORAY!

Scratch that last post

Life is so funny. Just when you think that you have everything figured out and answers to some scary questions and issues, life throws you a curveball.

I met with a different doctor today. Apparently my hCG levels started going down. So he did not give me the injection.

He spoke to my doctor and they now think that I did have a miscarriage and that my levels are just finally coming down. Now they do not think it was a tubal pregnancy.


I go back Sat for more lab work and will talk to the doctor that I saw today for the results. Those results will determine the next step.


If nothing else I am on their radar screen and if I get pregnant again they will see me right away and I won't get shoved over to some Nurse practitioner that has never seen me who will make me wait 5 weeks to get in for an appt!


Of course, there is more to this story than I am willing to type here. Just know that I am starting to feel like some questions are being answered and the confusion is starting to become clear.

But I am always waiting for that next curveball to be thrown my way.

I have my mitt on, I am ready for whatever comes my way.

Totally Tubular

Apparently I had a tubular pregnancy.

My sweet Dr found it yesterday. Actually the awesome ultasound tech found it.
After having complications for a month including ultrasounds and pelvic exams with another doctor/ultrasound tech, I am hoping that it will be downhill from here!

As long as the kidney/liver tests that they are running on my blood come back ok, I will have an injection of Methorexate. Hopefully one injection will do the trick. If the injections fail to work, I will have to have surgery. I do not want to go that route.

So say a quick little prayer that I will be able to get the injection, that it will work in one shot and I will have no sickness from it.

Here is a snippet from Wikipedia (how did we live without it?) about Methotrexate:

"Methotrexate was originally used, as part of combination chemotherapy regimens, to treat many kinds of cancers. It is still the mainstay for the treatment of many neoplastic disorders including acute lymphoblastic leukemia.


Other uses
More recently it has come into use as a treatment for some autoimmune diseases, including ankylosing spondylitis, Crohn's disease, psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, and rheumatoid arthritis (see disease-modifying antirheumatic drugs). A parallel use with TNFα blockers as infliximab or etanercept has been shown to markedly improve symptoms.

Although not indicated for this use, methotrexate is also sometimes used (generally in combination with misoprostol) to terminate early pregnancies, particularly ectopic pregnancies. In the case of early missed miscarriage (particularly a blighted ovum), in which fetal demise has occurred but the body has not expelled the fetus, methotrexate may be used to help the body begin the miscarriage process. This is not a termination, because in this case, the fetus is no longer living.

It is also sometimes used to treat a rare condition called Behçet's disease where it is taken weekly, along with folic acid daily."

favorite Christmas present

This is my favorite Christmas present.
And the thing around her waist is her favorite Christmas present.

It is a nature study kit.

She has been very disappointed that there are few bugs in the winter time... because she is ready to catch some bugs! She found lots of dead ladybugs in the house... I can not figure out how she found them... but she did!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Poor GBK.

I have not been feeling well this past week. I have been preparing her for the worst, telling her, the baby is sick, very very sick.

Finally, today I got to see a Dr and get an ultrasound.

We are guessing that I would have been 9 weeks pregnant as of last Friday.
But that ultrasound showed a very cleaned-out uterus.

Yes, I bled all Christmas Eve, Christmas Day. I knew what was happening, just didn't want to say it out loud or even think it. The doctor confirmed that it was a miscarriage. There were still 2 blessings in disguise here, #1, we were able to get pregnant with no medicines and #2, when I miscarried, my body released everything all on its own, I didn't have to have any doctor assistance. I was able to let it run its course in the privacy and comfort of my own home.

We are deeply disappointed even though this was not a planned pregnancy. But it got us so excited about the possibility of #2 that we hope to get to try again this spring.

The hardest part was telling GBK. I reminded her how the baby was so sick and told her that the baby died. She bawled and bawled, sobbing, weeping in my arms. Poor baby. I didn't even cry that much. But this was 'her' baby and I had been making a point of making sure that she knew it was 'our' baby, not 'my' baby. I didn't want her to resent the new addition, I wanted her to feel a sense of ownership in the planning and preparing. I do not regret anything that I did or said, I would do it the same way all over again.

She wants a sibling (actually a baby brother *and* sister) so bad, she has been begging for as long as she has been talking.

I just hope that one day she gets what she wants.

If you saw me at church Christmas Eve service, I was a nervous wreck. I was bleeding heavily that whole day and was nervous that I would have to rush to the ER in the middle of church service. If you witnessed us lighting the advent wreath at the 6pm service, if I looked a little pale, shaky, nervous, you were right. I thought that I was gonna pass out up there. It didn't help that it felt like the microphone was connected to the wreath and my hair was gonna catch on fire because I was standing so close to the durn candles.

Definitely a Christmas to remember... but definitely not in a good way. It was by far the worst Christmas ever.

The Notebook

Have you seen the movie The Notebook? Read the book?

I read the book a couple of years ago, after a friend's Mom Dad. She had Alzheimer's.
I bawled my eyes out.

Sunday night we turned the TV on and the movie was on- probably at least half-way through it. I didn't know what movie it was... but I was immediately mesmorized. (Remember, I am pregnant, don't make fun of me!)

I cried three times. And I don't mean a tear- I mean, bawled my eyes out! ANd then I figured out what movie it was and remembered how the book made me cry.

Poor GBK. She was in bed with me watching me cry, worried to death about me. I explained it all to her and she started crying right along with me! I probably shouldn't have told her, but I was an emotional wreck. I didn't want her to think that I was hurt or that there was something seriously wrong.

UGH. I forgot about this part of being pregnant.

end of the school year...

Well, after lots of discussion, we decided to pull GBK from her pre-school. So today was her last normal day. She has her Christmas program on Wed, but it will be short program followed by a party.

GBK will go to the school where I sub. And take a Spanish class two afternoons a week. She is so excited. She will also be with lots of her friends and close to her Auntie Sam.

But today as I told her lunch teacher good-bye, I lost it. I broke down into tears. Sobbing uncontrollably. GBK really likes her, talks about her all of the time.

We put her at that school so that she would get first priority at the private school in town. Now that we have decided not to go the private school route, there is no reason for her to be enrolled there. It will be a lot easier to have her close to me and Sam. And we will save a bit of money.

I just bawled and bawled and bawled, sad to tell her teachers good-bye. Of course, the pregnancy hormones didn't help matters- they were probably the root of the river of tears.

GBK got a little sick last night- having trouble breathing while she was sleeping. It was worse this morning, so I decided to take her straight to the Dr.

I looked online, got the number to Immediate Care (she has been there once before) and at 8am called. The doctor's exhange (answering service) answered the phone.

ME: Hi there, what time does the clinic open today?
DE: 8am.
ME: Oh good, OK. SO you are there right now?
DE: Well, they are running a little late, this is the doctor's exchange.
ME: Oh, OK. Well we will head that way and hopefully they will be there by then.

I begged RD to go with me. We all got ready and within a few minutes were out the door. We drove straight there. While at the red light I looked over and saw no cars so I called the clinic, getting the same sweet girl.

ME: Hi there, I am at the clinic and there are no cars in the driveway... I am wondering if they are coming in?
DE: They do not open until 1 this afternoon.
ME: I called you at 8am this morning, you said that they opened at 8am. Why did you tell me that? I drove all the way into town to take my daughter to the doctor, now I have to turn around and drive 20 minutes back home?
DE: I am so sorry!! I was looking at yesterday's hours when I told you that. They don't open until 1. I am so so so sorry.
ME: (Long pause) OK. Well, I guess we will have to come back. Is there a doctor oncall that I can talk to? Maybe to get some advice on what to do?
DE: Uhmmm... yes, I think Dr Hale is on call, I will ask him to call you right back.


I drove on to a different clinic to see if they opened any earlier. Then I ran inside Walgreens thinking they would know how opened the earliest. While there, Dr Hale called me back.

I explained what happened.

DR: Uhm. OK. Who is this?
ME: Rookie Mama
DR: And who is her regular doctor?
ME: DR. Fantastic
DR: OK, I don't take calls for Dr Fantastic. I do not see his patients. You will have to call his office to see him.
ME: I called Immediate Care and the girl there told me that you were oncall today and would be over there at 1pm?
DR: No, I do not even work at Immediate Care. I am oncall at the ER today. You could come here and see me, but you will be in the waiting room for several hours waiting around a bunch of sick people. I don't recommend it. I recommend that you call Dr Fantastic to make an appt to see the oncall Dr there this afternoon.
ME: I am sooooooooooooooo sorry. I never asked that girl to page you, she just said that you were oncall today!!! I am soooooooooo sorry. UGH.

Yes, she screwed up big time. But she was so sincerely sorry that I didn't have the heart to call and complain. She was very sweet. I am just hoping it was her first day and she was learning today.

Point of the story? Had she gotten ugly with me and tried to place the blame on me, I would have been very upset and called in for her supervisor. But she was so sweet and so apologetic that I forgave her immediately and let it go. What happened to good customer service? It has been so long since I have had someone mess up like that without trying to place the blame on me. Honesty and sweetness will get you far with me!

Anyway, GBK saw Dr Fantastic's partner and he diagnosed it as stridor

He gave her something to take tonight and possibly tomorrow and said that would be the end of it. And in the future if she sounds that way, take her out into the cool damp air for a while and it would clear up.

I told him it was funny, by the time we made it into town this morning to go to the clinic, she said to me, Mama, I am better! SEE?

And I had to agree. She sounded 100% better.

She cried the whole way home this morning, sad that she would miss Sunday school. So we raced home, got ready and went to SS and church.